growing closer still: our engagement

life around me shapes my thoughts and the movement of my heart.  in similitude with a city's bustle molding my thoughts into a bustling crowd, the country moves my thoughts into a slow stroll.  It turns my heart into a flower with it's face to the sun, my dreams into a stream of steady movement and progression, and my spoken prayers into prayerful silence.  the clarity of the sky focuses my mind and the bird's song prompts my spirit to sing.  

nature has been my mirror for the past few months and the open sky my counselor.  the massive physical space of land and water and air that dane and i have been living in naturally draws everything out into the open. no crevices provide the option of disappearing and even the darkness is always illumined with the bold, white moon.   but this exposed place is in the center of the palm of God's hand.  when we walked through pain, lies, the cords of friendship, worship of the heart, the deepening of our love, communication, the reality of truth...every moment of our journey so far...it was in a place of complete safety.  

i know that i have been purposed to be the song in dane's mouth.  he has been purposed to be the breath of my lungs and the dance of my feet.  i will be his tears and him my laughter.  we will soon be each other's bodies, the carrier of each other's dreams.  i already see myself in the light of his eyes and i know that he is in the words of my prayers.  the most excited part about becoming engaged to one another is that it is the inclusion of everyone we love to become a part of us as well.  the act of our engagement is the opening of the doors of our relationship to your words, counsel, love, support, and excitement.  It is the stripping of the curtain that covers the artist's statue.  We are the statue that has been revealed to the world but you are the hands that polish us and your perspective of our shape creates more depth and layers to our existence.  

when dane asked me to marry him: (entry from my journal)

"freezing winds blew through the valley all morning, creating the clearest afternoon I've ever seen here.  all of the details of the mountains were brought into focus and each blade of grass stood in precision.  we walked to pick tangerines from Antonio's, dreaming about the future: selling smoothies from our van, writing, learning, the development of our love.  Our minds were as clear as the day around us, our hearts filled to the brim with joy and thankfulness.  as we walked up the path of the land, i asked dane to dip our heads in the little stream.  squatting on our butts, we bowed our heads over the water.  he said, let me bathe you!  and began scooping cold water onto my head.  so much happiness suddenly flooded my heart and body that i collapsed backwards into the grass, exploding in laughter.  Dane sat looking over me and peaceful silence covered us.  he took my dripping head in his arms, looked deep into my eyes and heart and plucked a perfect yellow daisy, holding it up in the sun and saying, 'Jillie, will you marry me?'  warm tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cold cheeks.  we laughed so hard, our bodies shook.  we kissed, laughing and crying.  he said, 'our love is this simple, as simple as this flower.  what else do we need?'  the clouds were startlingly white behind him .  we dipped our heads back over the stream, splashing water and newness of life over each other.  putting our heads together, he prayed over us and we thanked God.  It was the beginning of the outward symbol of our love. "

a few nights later, back in Sintra at his parent's home, he led me down the street and over a little wall where candles and lanterns lined a path.  i followed the lights to a small shack filled with candles, tiny flames on the floor, hanging from doors and windows.  a guitar and pillows were scattered with the candles and wine sat on a shelf.  a small nest sat in the middle of the room with two olive wood rings that dane had carved on the land buried in the next among black and white feather we had found together.  it was a night of awe, laughter, tears, songs to me from dane's heart, and worship.  I was in a daze, the purity of dane's love towards me and the closeness of God was beyond understanding.

thank you guys for all of the messages i have received from you!  i can feel your prayers, support, and love from across the ocean and i hold on to them dearly as we keep progressing on this unbelievable journey.  we are taking off to southern france and germany for the next months but will be back in santa barbara for a quick visit in the beginning of June.  we can't wait to share life in person!  

deep, deep love.